Desperate

Today wasn't a very good day or night for me. Just random things weren't going my way. There is no one to blame except me, myself, and I. I just have random bad days sometimes. I'm am positive everyone knows or feels my pain. On a side note, I am trying to quit smoking, I still smoke, but not nearly as much as I used to. I can actually run, without getting winded. Also see: Cardiovascular. But as all of us smokers know, you always want a cigarette, especially after a bad day. So, as I am about to go to sleep it just keeps digging and digging, I can't break free from this craving. Also see: Addiction. I don't buy cigarettes anymore so I have none. But I do have a tin full of empty cigarette packs I have collected over the years. And no, before you guess I didn't remove the tobacco from the bottom of all of them and roll it up like some people do with butts in an ashtray. I am NOT that cool. But I did purchase a pack of Camel Non Filters back around sophomore year. My grandpa smoked them for years, he also died of lung cancer five years back. Also see Irony. I only smoked maybe five out of that pack of horrifically powerful cancer stick stimulants. (They taste like what South Africans must feel after finding out they have HIV from an American Doctor with a PHD that flew in on a multi million dollar lear jet (Also see: G6) who promised a cure years ago but still hasn't held up his bargain, most likely because even if he did find a cure he would never give it up because he enjoys receiving large sums of money for research that probably gets used to fill up his lear jet's gas tank, which costs $126.70 per pound. I looked it up so you don't have to.) But anyway back to the cigarettes. Yeah, I am so desperate to smoke that I got one of those cigarettes from the tin in my closet went outside and smoked it. They are terrible fresh out of the pack, you could only image how it was now. My head is now throbbing with pain from the carbon monoxide filled exhaust emitted. For me though, now it isn't so much about the feeling, I just enjoy the oral fixation. It is just too natural for me to not do. I hate smoking and never want to smoke another cigarette again. I do feel as if I were to carry those cigarettes around and smoke them when I was threatened by a craving I would be smoke free yesterday. As NAS once said, "Lifes a bitch, and then you die."